HOORAY FOR MUSKETS
The merit in carrying a musket is twofold; not only does it require a greater degree of cunning and foresight, but it also requires a sense of philosophical surrender to the capricious whims of physics on the part of its owner. Musket owners are a higher breed, set apart from the pistol-packing proletariat because they eschew the motivators of passion and convenience. >>>

THE SIREN SONG OF THE "SELF PHONE"
One by one my friends succumbed to the narcotic power of mobile communication. I received calls from the freeway, deafening clubs, the bathroom. Truly this addiction had become a disease and I tried in vain to wean them from the habit of calling me mid-piss. >>>

SECRET AGENT ME
Ever been to a college career fair? Ever noticed the remarkable similarity between these fairs and traveling roadside carnivals run by toothless hicks? The only difference really is that the carnies wear suits and instead ripping you off for a couple of bucks, they rip you off for several years of your life. >>>

RIDING IN CARS WITH TOOLS
I pay attention to what a man drives—it’s an important window into his personality, but not in the way you’d think.  I appreciate the fact that the average person in my age bracket does not have the financial wherewithal to select the exact automobile that most accurately reflects their personality, astrological profile, lovemaking style, whatever—otherwise I’d be driving a tricked out, cherry red K-series Blazer with heavily-tinted windows, and not a used Honda.  Such is life.  But there are a few cursory judgments I can safely make based on the particular vehicle a man drives and the condition in which he keeps it.   Keep in mind, these are not industry standards, just my own personal guidelines gleaned from hard-won experience. >>>