ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGE #5021

Uh, hi, ummm, I think this is Marlene's number? Um, you don't know me. My name is Jeremy. Look, um, I don't usually do this, ok, so really I've never done this before. Sorry if I'm sounding a little nervous. I just, well, it's just that I'm a little out of practice is all. Jeez, a little out of practice, I sound pretty pathetic don't I?

I guess there's something to be said for honesty right? I mean, sometimes pathetic can even be ... cute? At least I hope so anyway. I mean, those sad clown paintings, with the big drippy tears ... Who was it who painted those? Red Buttons? Red Skelton? Red someone right? Anyway, that doesn't mater. I mean, kinda. I always thought those things were totally pathetic -- ok, lame actually -- but my last girlfriend ... cute. I guess there's no accounting for taste right? One man's pathos is another woman's ootsie wootsie. Wow, I'm really digging a hole here aren't I? Well, I guess it won't be the first time -- I did say ex-girlfriend right?

Well, look, now that I've painted such a charming and winning portrait of myself -- I'm a Norman Rockwell over here right? Ok, so please forgive me for taking so long to get to the point. I guess I'm a little nervous. I get chattery when I'm nervous. Chattery. That's what my ex used to say -- combination of jittery and chatty. So, right, nervous. It's just that I've never done this before.

Ok, I guess I've babbled long enough, maybe it's actually time to get to the point. So, look, I was eating dinner over at Uncle Sam's, out on route 6. If you've ever been there they have the best onion rings. But what am I saying, of course you've been there. Anyway, so I'd just downed my 2nd beer -- that's the worst thing about eating alone, you kinda have to take it on faith that when you get up to go to the bathroom that nothing will happen to your food. Oh, I don't mean like anyone's going to slip me ruffies or anything, but I have had my share of fries up and disappear while I was answering nature's call, you know? Wow, I'm way off course here aren't I? Well, so I had to go to the bathroom, and while I was there I was just kinda, you know, reading the writing on the wall as it were ... Well, literally right? Just to pass the time you understand. And that's when I saw your number. "For a good time call" ... So, you know, I like a good time, so, well, here I am. And I'm sure I've just made a total ass of myself in the process. Like I said, I've never done this before. I guess all I'm saying is, I was just wondering if you'd maybe, I don't know, maybe be interested in going to Uncle Sam's one night with me. Try some of those onion rings if you haven't already? What could be more fun than that? They really are the best ever. Anyway, so, yeah, um, if you want to ... Oh yeah, my name's Jeremy. So, uh, yeah, give me a call ... And have a fantastic night.