I only got 3 hours of sleep the night before. I have to be at work at 4:00 a.m., in 3 hours. I'm fucked. My eyes are peeled on the ceiling. I decide to take a shower. Yes a nice cool shower will put me to sleep. I get up and walk to the bathroom. I notice that my shower is infested with earwigs. It is that time of year, and those fuckers are everywhere. I think they are breeding themselves into an army with hopes of destroying me, but they have another thing coming. I'm ready for war. There had to be at least 20 of them crawling around and fucking each other in there. I fill up the tub with scorching hot water and listen to their tiny high pitched screams. I then unplug the drain and down down they go.

I hate insects, spiders, and rodents. Now I am bugged out, and I do not want to take a shower, and I definitely cannot sleep. I return to bed, and every time I close my eyes I imagine thousands of them, ambushing me and crawling all over me. Biting at my flesh, crawling inside my mouth, in my ears, my nostrils. Trying so desperately to bring the beast down. The only way I would be able to get them off is to set myself on fire in the kitchen and run around the parking lot of my apartment complex like Richard Prior. War is hell.

I kill at least five of these things a day. They like to hide in the weirdest places. Mainly, my bathtub and my clothes. I guess it is psychological warfare now. Perhaps that is their great conspiracy against me. They do not want me to bathe, and they do not want me to wear clothes. They want me to be a smelly naked man. These fuckers are smarter than I first assumed. I guess it is time to resort to chemical warfare. I get paid tomorrow. I will buy a bottle of raid at the store.

But then again, perhaps I should aim higher and just burn this piece of shit apartment to the fucking ground and run around smelly and naked waving a victory flag.