There is nothing like the laundry mat at 2:30 a.m. Two grocery stores surrounded this place as well as some other shops, very brightly lit up, but empty. Like there had been a nuclear explosion, and everybody disappeared off the face of the planet. Instead of loosing my mind, or scrounging for food, or searching for a soul survivor, I decided to do my laundry instead.

An old man swept the sidewalk and changed the public trash as I hauled 3 weeks worth of laundry into this place. He gave me a strange look, like: "What the hell are you doing, doing your laundry in the middle of  the night?"

So I return the look with: "What the hell are you doing sweeping the sidewalk this time of night?"

And that was the end of our exchange of no words.

It took three washing machines and $1.25 per machine. What a rip off. The three machines robbed me, then hummed, as if to mock me, breaking the silence of the dead hours of this sleepless night. I notice a security camera in this place. Just think, some over weight, middle-aged, and overpaid bald guy is behind that camera smoking cigarettes, drinking coffee, and eating doughnuts watching my every move. Expecting that at any moment I will whip out a tire iron and start randomly smashing these over priced washing machines, while I sing songs from that movie: The sound of music.  "Doe, a dear, a female dear (SMASH!) Ray-" and so on and so forth. Or he probably expects me to turn on the television, flip the channel to Cinemax, sit on top of the folding table, and rub one out to a late night soft core porno. NC-17, yea baby, but none of the above.

I turned on the T.V. to some random channel and watched some old movie. Must have been made in the late 40s, early 50s. It was about this guy who ventures to Africa on a great elephant hunt. He returns to America many many years later after his little girl he left behind is all grown up. He returns to his mansion, located in sunny Los Angeles, and reunites with his estranged daughter. He enters the room, and his daughter is ecstatic to see him.

"Oh Doddy! Oh Doddy! I have missed you so Doddy!"

And the mighty elephant hunter embraces his daughter and says, "I have missed you as well sugar muffins."

He reaches down and pinches her ass, then she sits on his lap as he tells her of his many adventures in Africa. As lame as this flick was, I sat there and watched it. Something happens with the ex-wife, and the two of them end up together again. The comic relief of the story is a Chinese butler who over acts the Chinese stereo type. He talked funny, and had bucked teeth. This was the early 50s though, it was still okay to make fun of minorities.

I imagined this plot taking place in my life. I go to Africa on a great elephant hunt. I get lost. I get captured by hostile, militant rebels from the Congo, and they throw me in prison for 15 long years. I come back to America, and go to the Drug Rehabilitation Center to reunite with my estranged daughter. As soon as I walk into the room, she throws a chair at me and screams, "Fuck you! You’re not my Daddy, you walked out on us you bastard!"

"I missed you as well sugar muffins," I reply. I then reach down and pinch her ass, and force her to sit on my lap, as I tell her about all my great adventures in Africa. Something happens with the ex-wife, and she gets a restraining order against me. The comic relief of the story is a Chinese butler who shoots me point blank in the head with a .38 revolver.

The movie was over. My clothes were done washing. I switched them to the dryer. It took two machines, and an additional $2.50. What a rip off.