So there’s this space on my speed dial where I put “the woman that I’m seeing‘s” phone number.  And I’m kind of uncomfortable with it now.  Its empty, you see...  My last relationship is over, and I’m dating someone new, but this young relationship doesn’t quite merit the entry into the speed dial yet.

That empty space is kind of high on the list... number three.  (Right after my parents and my brother... even though I don’t call my brother all that often...  My parents, I talk to them every weekend...  They are 3-thousand miles away, and my mother would kick my ass if I didn’t [the joys of an Italian mother].  My brother, he’s family, and I am the Godfather of his child...  Very bad form if my godbaby’s number was not on my speed dial.)  So every time I access the speed dial function... there’s this gap, this hole that I have to stare at. 

She’s gone, and I’m not sure she’s going to be around long enough to put her in.

It’s stressful.

I feel guilty about taking her out and not putting her in…  Is it a sign of a commitment to place someone on your speed dial?

Which leads me back to space number three.  Right where it should be.  Below my family.  The space for the Love of My Life.  Or can I commit her number and have it be the space for the Love of My Life (Right Now)?

Let’s examine this commitment shall we?

I have her phone number captured on my cell phone, so I don’t have to look it up (or memorize it either).  I grabbed her email address weeks ago.  I’ve got a few messages from her saved on voice mail.  One contains a number of ANOTHER friend, and the other is her telling me she had a great time.

Of course.

I still have a few messages from her.

One also has a number of ANOTHER friend.  The other is her telling me unbearably good news…  I just can’t erase it…  She is so exuberant on the machine.  It is pure, unadulterated joy…  I am still so honored that I was the very FIRST person she shared it with.  I can’t bring myself to erase it.

I suppose it boils down to this:

There’s a space in my life that is left vacant from her.  Can I ask her to fill it?