I would like to bring something to your attention.  This little nugget of info may have slipped under you radar, but it needs to get out.  And it is important, because it substantiates a fact that I have known, felt even, for the last 10 years.

They have finally discovered that MTV is the number one cause of Evil.

No Joke.

I swear to god.

It’s in the Journal of Psychopharmacology, this month’s issue, page 143, a study done by Dennis Weaver, Ph.D. and Dr. Margarita Chanchez of The University of Copenhagen (funny neither one of them is from Copenhagen).  It seems that these two highly respected psychoanalysts and drug experts were testing the effects of psychotropic drugs on folks when the band N’Sync came rumbling through Copenhagen.  They were fascinated by the reaction that this band was receiving even though most of the populace had never seen them before, and less than half could even understand the lyrics.  Then it hit Dr. Chanchez.  The actions of these people were exactly the same as the psychotic episode-inducing drug that they were testing on chimps in the lab (pupil dilation, loss of physical control).  The doctors concluded that the only source of information, essentially the “fix”, these kids were getting was MTV.

So the doctors found an isolated patch of Denmark that was not receiving MTV at the time and juiced up the community.  MTV poured in 24/7.  These poor bastards didn’t even have regular TV as a warm up… just straight to the pop culture teat and ONLY the teat.  The milk of MTV was the only channel that the doctors allowed into the area.

And guess what happened?

The incidents of violence rose 200%.  The cases of ADHD rose by 550%!  And most frightening of all… every single female took all of their t-shirts and cut them off 4 inches above the belly button.  MTV single handedly turned an unsuspecting population of women into Midriff girls.

We must take this as a sign.  And early warning system if you will.  Thank god it was worked out on the Danes!  We can shout it from the rooftops, tell it on high.

MTV is EVIL.

It is the source of all that’s bad and hateful about this country… okay, maybe not hateful but stupid and insipid surely.  How many young, busty women do we have to watch gyrating to some pop tune while the guy earning a $.50 royalty lip synchs about knockin’ boots or bling blingin’ or crashing into him.  Oh, yeah Dave Matthews is totally to blame as well.  And so is Headbangers Ball (I used to watch it religiously) and Total Request Live!  Carson Daly is the FIRST against the wall when the revolution comes!

We must rise up my people and unite against this nefarious plot.  These people want to suck our souls, money would be fine too, steal our women’s lower shirts.  Turn us men into high note singin’ prancin’ about really good lookin’ fancy boys.

This will NOT stand.  No more to the 22-year-old executive vice presidents.  No more to the rap/rage rockers who were packaged yesterday and pushed today to sell MILLIONS of albums.  No more to rail-thin-pushin’-out-their butt-so-they-have-one women who INSIST on having bellybutton rings.

Have we no shame?  Have we no taste?

Let us listen to the Danes... and tremble.