On Relationships

Last night my best friend told me
that women like to change men.
They like to feed them, clothe them,
change their bad habits like dirty diapers.
Bring them to their full breasts
to feed and coo and suckle
till there's nothing left but a dry tit
and a broken relationship.

In other words:
We girls put the fun
in dysfunction.

I told him, hell no.
I don't wanna change my man.
(Not that I have one to change)
End of conversation.

(And you - you're such a grown up.
You can even dress yourself.)

I want a man who wants me to be his woman,
his lover, his one-and-only.
Not his mommy-can-you-kiss-it-and-make-it-better.

I want a man who can
write his own checks,
Pay his own rent,
cook his own meals,
wipe his own ass.

I want a man who understands
that when I tell him I'm bisexual
it doesn't mean that I want
to have a threesome with him
and my other best friend.

My best friend said to me,
women want love more than sex.
And I said, not me, honey.
Sure, give me love, but for god's sake
give me good sex.

Ever since I learned

how to have sex "like a man,"
I seem to be enjoying it more.
I call it: having sex
like a real woman.

We seem to have women
so figured out, don't we.
We let a man go down on us
so we feel loved, and when
he comes up for air,
we wipe his chin.

Give me love, yes,
but for god's sake,
give me good sex, and a man
who can wipe his own damn chin.